you devote a whole entire blog post to Chuck Norris facts.
*Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
*Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
*When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
*Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
*If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
*When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
*Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
*Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
*It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
*Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
*Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
*Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
*How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
*Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
*Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
*If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
*Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
*A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
*Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
*Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn just needs to lie the fuck down.
*Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
*Chuck Norris is my Homeboy
[mistakes, i've made a few.]
6 years ago
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